terça-feira, 26 de janeiro de 2010

Freedom!!

Yesterday when I woke up I was happy.  Normal day will start I thought!! tsc tsc tsc... wrong dear!! wrong thought...


I took my shower, thinking: today I don't have to work, then I am going out to solve everything and be free for next days!! So, I have to go to the bank, to DETRAN (trafic department to get the document of my car), to Penha (I need to get the Avon box), then  I will go to look for one other school to my baby (I got CRAZY with Recriar, because it's TOO EXPENCIVE!!), and after all this, I have to pass in market bcz I NEED to buy somethings to my house bcz we didn't have NOTHING more here in home!! Nobody likes to go to the market in my house, and we wait for the last second to go!!rsrs

Well..
I took my shower, and dressed. I took some photos to him (rsrs) and done. ok, it's fine, it's everything well!
I did all things, and off course! Almost all day outside! (I went +/- 12 and was back at 7pm)

Clara stayed in home, with my mom.
And my mobile was not working bcz I forgot it in car since friday, so battery was not charged!
In the market (my last step of the day) I heard the noise of rain! YES .. it's rained like the world were finished in that water !!
Then I called to my mom to say that I would wait a little until the rain decrease and then I would go. I ate something there and stood the time goes!

OH MY GOD!! WHYYYY DID I CALL?!?!?!

She was totaly angry with me on phone and hung up on my face.
After that, how could I be there waiting for the rain?? I decided to go to home, even with that havy rain...

again: OH GODDDDDDD!! WHYYY I DID IT!!!

The streets were totalyyyyy full of water..
cars stoped, water in streets like rivers, and I was there!!! TOTALY scared...
I passed in one BIG "river" first (in front of the Maternity Clara was born) and when I reached in Dendê (yes, DENDÊ – the slum that is famous because the drugs and arms) I couldn'd pass!!!
All the cars were stopped there, because they were afraid to pass through that water.
I put my car under the tree to wait a little, but I was getting nervous a lot. The windows was closed, I couldn't see ANYTHING outside because of the steamy widows. Then I realized that in rain, IS NOT GOOD to stay under TREE!!! If that tree had falled down,  me and my car would be just history!!!
ok, but....
HOW TO GO OUT?!?!?!
when I opened my window to see behind to go out, ALL THE CARS were stoped behind me!!!
I simply couldn't get out of there!
TOTALYYYYY nervous and scared.

Thank God, one car resolved to pass through that water, then other and other... then I asked for a space to go out of there and gone!

I put the first march and pray to God - please help me !!! rsrs I sware .. rsrs (and he, as ALWAYS, he was there with me)


Well, finaly reach in home, but the worst will come: mom!!

She start to fight with me. She said that i dnt respect her, that I dnt think on her...

WHAT?????????????????????????????????????

See..
Im one girl who dont give her reasons to be worried. I dont drink, i dont smoke, i dnt go out with friends, i dont go out with boys, NOTHING!!!!  I pass all my time here, in my house, specially in my bedroom, with my computer like one NERD. WHYYYYYYYY she was telling this bullshits??!?!?
She said that is because she called to my mobile and I dnt answer.
MY MOBILE WAS WITHOUT CHARGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How many times, when we need to talk with her and called she dnt answered the calling??? HOW MANYYYY times???!?!

My body start to shaking and i said to her: mom, if u dnt  know yet, i will tell u now: u are hurting me with this behaviour. If something bad happend, no use to start to cry and ask WHYY?!?!? I was outside doing important things!!! I was not kidding, i was not having funny time, i was not dating.... i was there to resolv problems and buy things to US, not to me only!!! then WHY all this?!?!? but I was realy nervous and angry with her because of all that, and of course, I dnt say all this in good mood..

Well...
i come to my house because the things there was really not good!!!
And i cry, and cry, and cry!!

I feel like one prisioner, but Im not in jail. Im in one psychological prison.
When I think in go out, even if was to do something important, I always feel afraid bcz I know that she will do a BIGGGGG drama bcz this!

If I come late from work, for whatever reason... OHHH GODD!!!!! :0/

One simple beach, is one big fight!

People come here and ask: why u dnt go out of this bedroom and this computer??  I think now is easy to know why!!

and is not only this...
everything have to be a BIG DRAMA!!!
this depresses anyone!!

I hope, I can change this in my life!! No one can live in this situation for long time!
something I will have to do...
and soon!
Bcz i really cant live like this.

Well..
to finish this,  the photos who i take before go out, and the prove that i was happy and in very good mood before all this!! :0/



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